Letterstime - And The Glorious Victory That Ended It
A Date To Remember
---- Kolberg, course 150, speed 8 knots
"Flying penguins? You're mad," avowed Dahm.
"No, sir," replied LT Diele. "Chief? Would you come over here for a moment, bitte?"
"Yes, sir?" The grizzled NCO appeared somewhat nervous.
"Tell the Kaptain about the penguins."
"Aye, aye, sir.
"I was with Admiral von Spee, you know, well before the war. Joined the squadron during one of their port visits at San Serriffe in the Indian Ocean, I did. Got put ashore sick and missed the battle though. Well, anyway, we saw penguins aplenty in the waters down off the tip of South America. Most of them stayed in the water. We saw many more scooting along the ice like little one-horse sleds. But a few, maybe just one subspecies, or something, flew in the air like big squatty pigeons.
"Wouldn't have believed it myself, sirs, if I' hadn't ha' seen it with mine own eyes." (NOTE 1)
Dahm's reply died stillborn on his lips at the shouts from the lookouts.
---- Rostock, course 150, speed 9 knots
"If all goes well, we should be in Wilhelmshaven by noon," remarked Kommodore von Hoban to Kaptain Westfeldt.
"Yes," Westfeldt agreed. "I've had quite enough of being at sea. It seems like six years, not six weeks. Commanding one of the Kaiser's warships is a great honor, as I will be among the first to avow, but ...."
"I understand perfectly," von Hoban lied. "What have you missed the most?"
"The beer."
"Yes, I suspect most of the crew would say the same. For me, though," continued the Kommodore, "it's the food I've missed. I wonder how the harvest has gone?"
"Which harvest is that?"
Wolferein never got to hear the answer as his own lookouts called out. (NOTE 2)
---- HMS Benbow, course 040, speed 20 knots
"A feat of navigation worthy of the Garter," declared Admiral Burney staring at the great plume on the horizon.
"Thank you, sir," replied Captain Herrick, who then murmured the socially expected modest and quite insincere disclaimers.
"Hah! The bloody Huns thought we were still in Bermuda or the bloody Caribbean! HAH, I say."
"Quite, sir."
"Sir, from the van flotilla, 'enemy in sight'."
"Very well. For the Armoured Cruiser sections, Red is to sweep wide to port, White to starboard. Total envelopment! One flotilla in company each, Number 4 with Red, 5 with White - - I want none of the liners to escape. None!"
"Aye, aye, sir!"
"Sir, enemy dreadnoughts in sight! Five, sir, but lookouts say most appear damaged. Smoke coming off several and two with visible lists."
"Screen strength?"
"Sir, no more than two flotillas."
"Excellent!"
"Good thing the ones from Harwich and Plymouth joined up," Herrick grinned wolfishly.
"Yes," Burney agreed. "Room 40 came through. Made the Admiralty comfortable enough to strip everything from all the ports along our path up the Channel.
"Yes, that infernal Letters - what the devil is he doing with an English name anyway, eh-what?! - has lead us a bit of a chase, but we have him now."
"Sir, it's still five against two."
"Hah! Cripples! Winged birds, just waiting for our shells. Lamed wildebeests just waiting for we British Lions to take them!"
"Yes, sir!"
"Sir, the liners are with them, five of them sir, confirmed."
"Too late! They won't have all their fires lit. They'll take an hour to work up to speed.
"Have the armoured cruiser sections acknowledged?"
"White has but, yes, admiral. Red just acknowledged."
"Sir, coming into range. Gunner request permission to open fire."
"Well, Hercules won't have the range yet, so tell Gunner to spare some Huns for them. But, yes, by all means, open fire!"
"Boo-oom!"
As they waited for the opening salvo to land, Admiral Burney turned to the deck officer.
"So, Mr. Martin. This will win the war, the naval war, at least. What are your plans for peace?"
"Well, sir," answered CDR Paul Martin. "I've got kin in Canada, an elderly uncle. Visited there before the war, I did, spent the entire summer. I hope to take over his farm and breed prize Charolais cattle and handsome Fawn Runner ducks, and show them every fall at the Brome Lake and Havelock fairs there." (NOTE 3)
"Hit, sir! Opening salvo!"
"Bloody well done," roared the Admiral, staring at the distant eruption. "Tell the Gunner an extra tot of rum awaits every man of his after the battle. And another for every dreadnought we put down like the rabid dogs they are! By George, if we sink them all, I'll have every man Jack at a gun roaring drunk before midnight! They'll have plenty of time to sober up before we reach port!"
"Sir, the enemy light are preparing to attack."
"Hah! Send in the flotillas, signal the Commodore there'll be no half measures today!"
"Sir, a question if I may?" Herrick had been counting pounds by the thousands and had long since run out of fingers. "Do the prize rules extend to liners?"
"Hah! Good question, indeed! Bloody rich we'll be, eh-what?!"
"Hit! Hercules has also hit!"
"Take THAT you Huns! You'll remember this date forever!"
Author's NOTEs:
1) Sailor's tales of sighting flying penguins were long scoffed at by zoologists until they were caught on film. See:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/04/01/npenguin101.xml
2) The harvest, of course, was the world famous noodle harvests. For video, see:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/mediaselector/check/player/nol/newsid_7180000/newsid_7185500?redirect=7185593.stm&news=1&nbram=1&bbwm=1&bbram=1&nbwm=1
3) The commander would do just that and his grandson, Paul Martin, III, would go on to become Canada's Finance Minister.
